Suzy & Mickey’s Blog – July 2025

Mickey: I have a bad feeling that I am soon to be removed from the field and put in a stable.

Suzy: As we speak, the weather forecast is horrible, so your instincts might be right. Time to think about racing again.

M: Ahead of you there. I have consulted our guru of all things sporting, Flemen’s Tipple, about where I should focus my search for improvement.

S: Just getting to chat with him is a great honour. I’m surprised that he did not just wander off and not let you anywhere near him.

M: Actually, I sneaked up on him when he was dozing and as soon as he opened his eyes, I was right in his face.

S: How did that go down?

M: Not well, Suzy. Not. Well.

S: But what wisdom did he impart? Presumably it was in few words.

M: Spot on. All he offered was “more haste, less speed.”

S: Hmmmmm.

M: That was sort of my reaction too.

S: If you think of it in a physics context, it makes no sense at all. Unless the argument is that you can accelerate for longer, up to greater speeds, by only accelerating gently.

{That sounds like Flemen’s Tipple – Ed.}

M: But a race only lasts what? Five minutes?

S: There are rumours of longer races, some as much as ten minutes. I can’t believe he means that you should indulge in minimal but indefinite acceleration. Pretty sure that one of Einstein’s theories would make indefinite acceleration impossible.

M: Not just one, all of them. Also, he went to North Wales recently and got back the same day, That undermines your interpretation completely.

S: Another thing I have heard is that S=UT+ ½(AT)²  

M: Just what I was thinking.

S: It wasn’t, was it.

M: No, I was lying. Both about the equation and about thinking.

S: If we break this down. S must stand for Suzy. U must stand for you. T stands for Time. Or Teeth. Yes, probably Teeth. AT leaves me mystified. A tea? Therefore a cup? Could it a cream tea, or would that be ACT?

M: AT is the internet domain code for Austria.

S: Brilliant. So I equal your teeth, plus half of the Austrian internet, squared.

{extended pause here}

M: This is the thing with great philosophers. They do not give you answers but lead you to where you can think through the solution yourself.

S: I am feeling incredibly enlightened. Or very close to it. But we may need further input, perhaps from a wise old hound.

M: That could be a problem around here. The new cats may be a better bet. They know how to defy the laws of physics. Or maybe they just find that not believing in them means that they can operate outside them.

S: OK, another philosophical conundrum. Or did we get the cats from a gentleman named Schroedinger? To get back on track, any questions received this month?

M: Yes. We had one from the International Academy of Television Arts and Sciences. I will just read it out.

“Dear whomever it may concern”

That’s very nice, they have thought about what we are concerned about.

“Although we have not yet had a chance to view your television series/moving picture/short film/commercial/music video/podcast/social media post/CCTV footage/doorbell video (delete as appropriate), we are confident that it is worthy of an Emmy nomination, along with absolutely every other piece of footage in the world over the last twelve months.

Simply fill in your preferred category in the box at the foot of this letter, and we will add you to the list of nominees. If requiring multiple nominations, just use very small writing.”

So I have put myself in for Outstanding Lead Actor in a drama series and you for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a limited or anthology series or a movie. And both of us for Outstanding Scripted Variety Series.

S: I hate you so much. What about our helper monkey?

M: Outstanding Carrot Bringer in a Scripted Reality Series (Including, But Not Starring, a Dog or Dogs).

{Yes!!!! I am off to rent a dinner jacket. – Ed.}