Eklil Blog – September 2024

The bad news since the last blog is that Hesbehindyou, my loyal sidekick who came with exemplary references from Monty’s Award, has retired and departed Shovelstrode. This is a problem, as I am not sure any one of the other horses can live up to his efforts in sidekickery. When you ask specifically what he contributed, I must admit to finding it difficult to give an example, although he never actually let me down on any task that I set him.

What will be the policy for appointing a successor in this prestigious role?

{I presume some sort of meritocracy is out of the question? – Ed.}

Yes, absolutely. I did think of appointing Suzy Wood, partly because she has the size and scope to get stuck into whatever I ask, but more importantly because if she tries to reject the job, I can tell her that it is a tradition that it goes to the most recent arrival, whether they like it or not. The potential pitfall here is that if she proves to be a good sidekick, I would then be obliged to sack her in favour of the next arrival. And that could be a repeating flaw. I tried to get touch with Monty to see if he had any thoughts on how to progress but he was at the vet. I thought it was because he knew National Racehorse Week was looming and was trying to avoid having to get involved. In fact he had colic, but is back home now and just avoiding me for the sake of it. A lesson on not judging horses, or humans, by their past actions. Especially when that involves judging me.

{What will you be doing for the open day at Shovelstrode? – Ed.}

Good question. My aesthetic preference was that I may do some magic tricks, such as sawing the lady in half (lack of volunteers to assist so far), needle through the thumb (though I would have to grow a thumb first, and the alternative of needle through somebody else’s thumb was also blighted by a shortage of people offering their appendages). Maybe one of the visitors will volunteer.  

{There seems to be a bit of a “doing damage to humans” theme developing – Ed.}

Maybe adding in a bit of escapology would help but Stitch said he had the idea first and I was not allowed to copy him. So in the end, I will probably just do a reading from “The Life And Opinions Of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman.” People will  enjoy that. I will play the part of Tristram Shandy, and you can do Dr Slop.

{Wow, thanks. – Ed?}

This month the question comes from Mrs Tulia Ackson, of Tanzania. I do not do snobbery but it was on headed notepaper from the Tanzanian parliament, so went straight to the top of the pile (bear in mind that the pile is never very high). She asks me what my opinion is of the strawberry leopard. Well, my first opinion is that it sounded like it must be a Belgian lady who is in the adult film business. When that proved untrue, I was looking for a Heston Blumenthal ice cream flavour. However, it turns out that it is a real animal, proven to exist. All the known ones live in South Africa, but there has been a claimed recent sighting in Tanzania, hence Mrs Ackson’s communique. I am inclined to give this one the thumbs up, but first would check that the camera did not have ice cream smeared on the lens.  A picture of a strawberry leopard is below. I am told that the spots are faded into a light brown/pinkish colour, but with my equine colour perception, I am just going to have to take your word for it!