Eklil Blog – December 2024

Had a run. It was dank and dreary, a bit mucky. The least said, soonest mended, although I was not inconsiderably insulted to find out that the race was a seller, and I was the outsider of four.

{No offence intended, but that might be something where you can control your situation. – Ed.} All offence taken. Then I had another run, which was not a seller. And you know what? It wasn’t that bad. In hindsight, I cannot even remember why I got so stressed about hurdling. What I am stressed about is Storm Darragh coming to spoil my weekend. I have set up my storm bunker below – food, water, bedding and some books to read, in case the wifi goes down. See it here, complete with Roman mosaic (I am told).

Then I feared that the Saturday carrot bringer may not show up. Fortunately I had a chat with Privatearing and he said “it’s alright, I’ve been on the blower, and he said he’s coming. No cause for concern.” Well there was cause for concern, because when he arrived I was on the horse walker, and the body language was that he was not staying long. Fortunately I was off of the walker in time, and a crisis was averted.

The main talking point this month is the question. On consulting with Monty, I found out that the pile of question letters in any given month has never exceeded two, if you discount letters from Mel Gibson and his lawyers, but this month there are more than a dozen, or so I am told by people who can count beyond four. All of them seem to come from residents of Shovelstrode Racing Stables, and concern last month’s question about the woodwose. I knew they would turn out to be controversial, as the horses ganged up and got new girl Surrey Nemesis to deliver them. Well, I’ll show them what a nemesis is. A disappointingly high number are laced with imaginative profanities (I would like to reprint one work of scathing genius from Shaw’s Cross, but Andy does not want anyone blocking his website on grounds of civil decency). A few contain definite libels, and are in the hands of my solicitor. Decent chap but keeps harassing me for something he refers to as “evidence.” Yes, I am confused as you are. Anyway, the gist of these letters is that no other horse or person has seen a woodwose at Woldingham, and as I have never been there on my own, I could not possibly have seen one either. Well I have, so there. It does take me into a more metaphysical angle. If it was not a flesh and bone experience, but something my brain generated as coping mechanism, probably for PTSHD (post-traumatic schooling over hurdles disorder), it will still be very real to me. Certainly the best course of action when Niall, Phil or Caoilin arrive at the yard is to hide.

{What is the collective noun for multiple nemeses? – Ed.}

Let’s go for a downfall of nemeses. Getting back to relevant topics, I would bet that I could pass a polygraph test on the subject of the woodwose.

{I, and probably most readers, would like to see that. Also, an interesting use of the word ‘relevant.’ – Ed.}

As it was her letter that started all this, I contacted Professor Alice Roberts to see what she thought about woodwoses as potentially creatures of the mind and she replied “I get more than enough bizarre mail from lunatics, please leave me alone” which I thought was a bit rich in the circumstances.

{There are three words in this blog entry that spellchecker freaked out over. Shovelstrode. Woodwose. Caoilin. – Ed.}

I do not want to seem like a conspiracy obsessive, but that can not a coincidence.