Eklil Blog – July 2024
After a spell of unrelenting positivity since I took over the blog, things have gone a bit off of the rails this month.
Firstly, I did not get to vote in the election. I presume my postal voting card went astray. We horses are not committed voters and any time the candidate list exceeds four names, we find it very confusing, but I would have liked to have had the option.
{You did not miss much, it was about as unpredictable as an Irish Group 2 on the flat, and endured with similar levels of public apathy – Ed.}
To make up for this disappointment, I tried to instigate an election to be head horse in the yard. This has not been a success, as we are still arguing over the voting method. As racehorses, there is a lot of support for “first past the post” (as you might expect) but certain horses are lobbying for proportional representation. I don’t wish to accuse anyone of anything corrupt, but when 10% of the electorate are full brothers (Atalanta’s Boy and Pots) that system is open to, shall we call it, manipulation. Anyone considering a bet on our election date is recommended to look a fair way into the future, but early signs are that my “More Hay For All” manifesto is very popular. In contrast, Shaw’s Cross has adopted “Carrots Are A Scam, And Not Good For You At All” policy, which has proved to be difficult to sell to the electorate. Gold Claremont is winning over support in her “Mud For All” agenda, and Stitch has signed up for the Monster Raving Loony party.
This is me at Epsom, wondering why my helper monkey was taking a photo whilst wearing a bag on his head.
{Firstly, I did not want to be spotted at a flat meeting by someone who knew me, and secondly it was a homage to a classic episode of Blackadder II – Ed.}
Secondly, my supposedly loyal henchman, Hesbehindyou, defected and has become Monansunu’s loyal henchman instead. Up to this point, I had not been overly demanding of him, just jot down a few stream of consciousness notes for later blog use, and a daily tribute of 10% of his allocated hay. Well below normal expectations amongst horses, as I am sure you will agree. Being new to this game, Monansunu has not got him doing any minor jobs or such like, which has to change. I did give Monty a call, to see if he ever had this problem, but he just told me “can’t talk now, having a massage.”
On to this week’s question, which comes from a Mr T Khan of Ulaan Batoor. He graciously invites me to visit him at home, assuring me that horses are treated with great respect in his homeland, and to ask if I would join him on an expedition to prove the existence of Olgoi-Khorkhoi. My first reaction was to say that I would love to do that. Unfortunately, I then looked up what an Olgoi-Khorkhoi is, and my second thoughts were to remain safely in the south-east of England. Otherwise known as the Mongolian Death Worm, it is reputed to sneak up on victims whilst still underground and then give the target an horrific, often fatal, electric shock, a bit like your local utilities company. And like your water company’s maintenance staff, it likely does not actually exist, but it might. In conclusion, I used to think that Mongolia sounded like a fine place to visit, but now I say “stay away!”