Monty’s Award – October 2023 Blog
Since announcing my retirement the quest has been on to decide what my next career move should be. In an ideal world it will involve being in a field when it is sunny and in a stable when it is not. Rain is fine, as long as the sun is out at the same time. Perhaps a planet with multiple suns, so beloved of science fiction writers, would be spot on.
I took the liberty of giving the other horses a questionnaire on what they thought my next step ought to be. I have to say that it was disappointing how many were returned with nothing by obscene language, or even obscene drawings, instead of constructive ideas. Perhaps I should have let the submissions be anonymous, as I write the name of my enemies on the stable wall, and now I have had to move to a bigger box. However, some horses did make valid suggestions.
Hesbehindyou said that I could be head of the United Nations. In principle I am perfectly qualified for that, but I read the newspapers and with all that is going on in the world it seems far too much like hard work.
Brown Bullet suggested that becoming a food writer was a good idea. That was a choice that I would have leapt at a few weeks ago…
{Unlike a chase fence? – Ed.}
… oh, absolutely. As I was trying to say, when I recently discovered that there are foods other than racehorse feed, hay, carrots, apples and mints, it made me wonder if I have the culinary expertise to write about food.
Both Vintage Icon and Backinforglory both came up with me being some sort of detective. I could certainly do this…
But then she spoiled it with a sarcastic comment about the first case being to look for all those wins that I could have had with a bit more commitment to the job.
Some horses did not think very hard about it. Gold Claremont offered gold prospecting in the Yukon, Privatearing put forward pirate and Den The Diva’s idea was opera singer. The funny thing about that last one was after dismissing it initially, the idea gradually sounded better. I mean, I don’t care about the opera, but if I could get on the ads for a price comparison website, that would be money for old rope.
Mister Mose just complained that he would have answered if the questionnaire was online. He is still fairly new here and does not yet realise that I do not care what he thinks.
Finnegan’s Garden said that he had heard of several villages with a vacancy for an idiot. Initially I was just going to ignore him, but instead I sent out his CV to a couple of them.
So, new career? For lack of better ideas, grass cutting looks like the preferred option. Which is handy as this week’s question comes from a Mr Buzz Aldrin, of Tunbridge Wells (he claims), and he asks: “How long should my lawn be in October?” The answer is long enough for you to be able to grab a good mouthful using your teeth. Humans really should be able to work that one out for themselves.