Monty’s Award – June 2023 Blog
When I last updated, things were pretty civilised at Shovelstrode. I was in a box next to Harry Hazard and all of the other horses were out in a field, busily proving my point that they really cannot be left unsupervised. The optimal situation is one with me being the supervisor, obviously. The good aspect was that I had peace and quiet (apart from the occasional background Harry grumble about nothing of any importance) and the nuisances were being nuisancical far away from me. Nuisancical is a word that I just made up, but it is definitely one the world needs, because most people, and horses, have a very long list of things that are permanently nuisancical. Especially if you name names and not summarise them as “all the other horses except Hesbehindyou.” On the subject of which, he did learn some very bad habits when he was outside my influence last summer, and I fear the worst for this one too.
One or two gentle hints have been passed Gemma’s way that maybe young Asbo might be best left out in a field for the summer, but so far that has not progressed. Chickens are an interesting variation here, because I would prefer that they stay shut in, so they neither give me bird flu nor lay eggs in my supper. Funny how things pan out.
Getting back to the original point, things suddenly all got very hectic. One day three new horses turned up. They all came together from the wilds of Hampshire and I am slightly concerned (and when I say slightly, it is a diplomatic way of meaning “very”) that they may be a subversive clique. Nobody appeared to have searched them for weapons and contraband when they got here. That is usually the job of Finnegan’s Garden, but he went off and won some sort of show and has been a bit too smug since to do his routine jobs properly.
{Monty may have misunderstood the routine once over the horses enjoy on arriving at Shovelstrode – Ed.}
When I interact with the newbies, Shaw’s Cross stands there communicating in terse sentences, and the other two stand one either side of him, looking angry but never making a sound. One he refers to as Mr Mose (the way he says it just sounds right out of the film “Layer Cake”) and one called Minella, who is probably using a standard gangster pseudonym because there seems to be a Minella everywhere I go, and they do not even look alike. In summary, the new lot seem to be overly influenced by the film “The Long Good Friday.”
As if my pleasantly quiet time was not already ruined, the following day another one turned up. He is a relative youngster, so I should be able to mould him in my own image. Communication has not been easy as he permanently has a mouthful of hay, so when he has tried to explain where he comes from it has been totally incomprehensible. However, the first impression is that he is not going to be a noisy neighbour, which is nice and once I teach him that he need not take another mouthful of hay until having swallowed the previous one then we should get along just fine.
This month’s question comes from a Mr M Johnson of East Grinstead. He asks “Thank you for your ongoing interest in my project, but I am getting along very nicely with the extension, and I would politely ask that you decline from interfering.” Firstly, I am not sure if that is question or a veiled threat. It was suspiciously received just when the dubious trio from Hampshire turned up. Secondly, assuming it is a question, the answer is no. I am unable not to interfere because I am genuinely interested in assisting towards an optimal outcome, and there is currently a bit of a slow time on for staying hurdles.