Monty’s Award Blog – March 2024
The time has finally come to hand over the blog to another horse, as I am just about to move house. It has been a wonderful journey and allowed me to get involved in pointless feuds with all sorts of people that I would never have otherwise interacted with. I have also been able to get the last word in on all arguments with Finnegan’s Garden, and that allows me to admit, with reluctance, that because he was here before me, there was a small patch of the moral high ground to which he was entitled. That patch is about as long and as wide Finn himself, and not an inch larger.
As a going away present, my annoying barnmate, Mickey, was moved off into a regular box and I have been sharing with Mister Mose. Over the course of almost a month I have not had any reason to bite him. If that does not prove it was Mickey who was the problem and not me, then it is you, the jury, that is being unreasonable. My new destination is Sharpthorne, which I am hoping is less intimidating than it sounds, but if not, it should keep away the peskiest humans. I will be issuing invites to those who I think ought to be visiting me. If you do not get an invite, please take the hint. I am told that not only will I get my own stable at the new place, but my own paddock too. That is an idea that I like as I have to imagine that most of the other horses there will not be on my intellectual level, and that can be a source of conflict. If they have quiz night on Tuesdays, I will be able to prove this quite quickly. What is the biggest town in Patagonia? Who invented the dramatic pause? How many varieties of goat’s cheese can you buy in Lidl? I live for all that stuff.
The huge outstanding question, which I addressed a little while ago and failed to deliver an answer for, is who takes over the blog? The new bloke, Cresta Cat, has impressed me since arriving and seems like quite a sharp stick (as opposed to a thorn), but I do not know him well enough to confirm that he can keep up the standard. Or whether he may be saying all the right things because he is secretly an agent of an unfriendly power that could sneak in for a takeover. So the new blogger is… (I am presuming the helper monkey will insert a drum roll here) …Eklil.
This selection is not without risk. Birdman Bob was the other contender. If you look at his rollercoaster season this term, it is possible that the intermittent moments of klutzery could have been reflected in an inconsistent style to the blog. The worst that I can see of Eklil is that he may do things such as insult powerful heads of state and angry actors rather than establish an identity of his own. To help prevent this I have awarded him Hesbehindyou as a provider of guidance. He may have been a terrible television show producer, but as a blogger’s assistant, he is definitely well into the middle 40%. Now I will let Eklil introduce himself.
“Hello, I am Eklil and I live at Shovelstrode.”
Obviously, it is a work in progress, but you can see the literary potential.
My final monthly query to address, which seems to be suspiciously prescient, comes from someone claiming to be Samuel Beckett of Paris. He alleges (so not really a question!) that Birdman getting the blog would only have been for the purposes of cheap alliteration, then asks why Eklil and not Godot? Firstly, whilst I do love alliteration, I refuse to be ruled by that recipe for art, so this case is clearly coincidental. Secondly, I arranged a meeting with Godot about him running the blog but he never turned up.
Adios
Monty